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Djinn, No Chaser
Synopsis Mental patient Danny Squires tells his unseen psychiatrist the story of how his wife Connie purchased an old lamp, rubbed it, and brought an ill-tempered genie into their lives. Cast * Charles Levin as Danny Squires * Colleen Camp as Connie Squires * Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as The Djinn, Jan Bin Jan * Nate Esformes as Mohandus Mukhar * ''Paul Sparer'' as Narrator Plot Act I Danny is in a straitjacket in a psychiatric ward, humming as he sits in a chair. He begins speaking to the screen, but referring to the audience as the doctor. He talks about his accommodations at the psychiatric ward as being all right, but he wants to have his arms free as he tells his story. However, this is not granted. Danny talks about his marriage with his wife. Four days after they got married, he and Connie went shopping in a ratty part of town. Danny wants to go home, but his wife is adamant that she wants to decorate their home in a Turkish theme. Danny worries that they will not be able to afford to do this. As he says this, however, a tent appears out of thin air in front of them. They both recognize that the tent was not there before, but decide they must have made an error. Danny and Connie go into the tent, pointing out that it is a bad idea to do so. They question the shopkeeper about the recent appearance of his tent, but he ignores it. Connie finds a dusty and dirty old genie lamp and he and the shopkeeper mercilessly haggle about the price. As the shopkeeper goes from $50 down and Danny from $5 up, they both throw wacky curses at each other. They finally mutually decide on $10 and Connie and Danny buy the lamp. As they leave, the tent disappears. Danny tells Connie not to look, to turn around and walk away and they will throw out the lamp, jokingly. Act II In the psychiatric ward, Danny is talking to the doctor about how odd the situation was buying the lamp. He talks about when he and Connie got home from purchasing the lamp. Danny and Connie are lying in bed. Danny is pretending to be asleep, but Connie is trying to convince him that it would be a good idea to rub the lamp. She maintains that they both know that the tent had just appeared out of nowhere and that implies that the lamp might be a real genie lamp. Danny admits that he knows the odd events of the day happened, but he wants to fool himself into believing that they didn't. He tells Connie to let him go to sleep. Connie gets up and goes over to the lamp. She has decided that there must be a genie in the lamp. They need money badly enough that having a genie should be able to provide that for them. Danny agrees and they go over to the lamp. When Connie rubs the lamp, it jumps across the room. The scene cuts quickly back to Danny in the psychiatric ward. He is explaining that the lamp jumped and then the scene cuts back to the story. The lamp is across the room from Connie and Danny and the genie's voice from inside remarks "Free at last!" The genie has been in the lamp for 10,000 years and he is apparently annoyed. He tells Connie and Danny that he is going to cause turmoil. He destroys Danny's collection of duck statues. The genie begins to badmouth both Danny and Connie. He does not come out of the lamp, however. Connie gets angry at Danny and takes the lamp into bed with her. The genie destroys the windows in the bedroom. Danny takes some things into the kitchen with him. He pours himself some milk and walks around the apartment. While looking out the window, Connie comes into the room with the lamp. Danny is worried they are going to get thrown out of their apartment because the genie is so loud. Connie asks the genie to quiet it down, but he insults her. Connie tries to outsmart the genie, telling him he is not a genie because genies have powers and do not have to be loud. The genie insults her and tells her not to try him. Connie tries to use reverse psychology on the genie to keep quiet. When the genie is finally quiet, Danny tries to convince the genie to grant them wishes. The genie says that he can do this, but he won't because Danny is so far beneath him. Danny tries to tell the genie that they are his masters but the genie lets Danny know that he is not one of the genies who are required to obey a master. The genie tells Danny that he is unable to get out of the lamp because the sorcerer who put him in did not know of molecular compression. The genie tells Danny that if they are able to get him out of the lamp, he may do their bidding. Danny gets fed up with the whole situation. He tells the genie that he is the genie's master and demands that the genie give him money. In response, the genie makes a thunderstorm occur right in the middle of the apartment, laughing at the married couple. Act III The setting is back to Danny in the psychiatric ward as Danny explains how the genie kept up the torment on Danny and Connie. Back at their apartment, there is mold and fungus and snakes and dead dogs in their apartment. Connie is cleaning while they both try to one up each other on the horrible things in their apartment. They don't have any food because the genie gets mad at them whenever Danny tries to leave. Danny tries and sees a tiger in the hallway, screams and gets back into the apartment. Connie tells Danny that since the genie will not let him leave and Danny has tried four times that week to leave, she will try. Once Connie opens the door, she hears birds chirping. Danny takes this as a signal that he can leave and he runs out the door. However, after hearing an elephant trumpet, Danny runs back in, wondering how the genie got an elephant onto the third floor. The genie continues to laugh and mock Danny and Connie. Danny tries to figure something out and the genie offers to let Danny leave if he leaves Connie. At first, Danny refuses because he feels that Connie is the first good thing that has ever happened to him. However, Danny pretends to hallucinate, seeing people in his past that traumatized him. Connie tells Danny that she loves him but he has to get out of the house. She tells him she will not hold it against him even if she divorces him. Danny thinks this is fair and runs away to pack. Connie goes back to rubbing the lamp, trying to find a way to end their torment. The genie just continues to mock her, however. He says that for 10,000 years, people better than Connie have tried to get him out of the lamp and have failed. She looks up and sees Danny, who gets up and leaves. The story cuts back to Danny in the psychiatric ward, lamenting in the same comical tone he has consistently kept in the entire episode. He tells the doctor he is not crazy and assumes they will go ahead and take him out of the hospital and let him go home. We see Danny entering the apartment and it is extremely nice and neat and more well furnished than when he left. Connie comes in the room and they kiss. Connie insinuates that everything came from the genie. Danny apologizes for leaving her, but she lets him know that not all couples get through their battles. Danny hears the voice of the genie. He begins to freak out and is about to leave to go back the hospital. Connie tells Danny to relax. When Danny gets up, the genie walks into the room. The genie apologizes to Connie because he was yelling at the tailors who screwed the button up on his suit. Connie introduces the genie to Danny, referring to him as their benefactor and friend. The genie greets Danny and Danny remarks that the genie must have been pretty cramped in the lamp because he is so tall. Connie gets them some tea. The genie remarks that he is Connie's friend and would like to be Danny's friend as well. The genie talks to Danny about all of the things he likes about the world. Danny wonders how Connie got the genie out of the lamp and she shows him the object she used. Danny asks why no one thought of it before, and the genie tells him it has only recently existed. We see that the object used to get the genie out of the lamp was a can opener. Quotes Connie Squires: Danny, are you asleep? Danny Squires: Yes. Connie Squires: Then how come you're answering me? Danny Squires: I was raised polite. Trivia * The title is a pun on the homophone "gin" for "djinn". A chaser is a mild drink or beer taken after a shot of hard liquor. Category:Episodes Category:Season 1 Category:1985 Category:Written by Haskell Smith